Every once in a while there are innovations that propel mankind inevitably forward. Thomas Edison’s company in 1882 began electricity transmission to under 100 customers and 400 light bulbs. Today most of the world is electrified and humans get perturbed when they can’t check Facebook at the top of Overlook Mountain. 1908 saw Henry Ford and his model T. In less than 20 years he had produced 15 million cars. Today, in Iceland there are more than 740 cars for every 1,000 people. There are numerous examples of historical figures and their (what I posit are) incremental advancements.
What I am offering here is not merely an invention or a small step forward. Not merely a means to end. This is a device (if one can call it that) that has, and will again, propel our species to another level. I’m talking Australopithecus to Homo Sapiens here. What’s next in the evolutionary scale, I don’t know. But by bringing this device home you will be blessed with the opportunity to find out.
What I do know is that this sounds unbelievable, inconceivable, extraordinary and clearly the ramblings of a deranged mind. I assure you friend, I am completely on the level and I have undeniable evidence.
In the year 1968, a historical document was released in the guise of a science fiction movie. The name, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Through this medium, the world was introduced to the “Monolith.” The movie told of the existence of many of these structures. They had unbelievable power and literally catapulted the human race to a knowledge it had never before possessed. Yes, the movie was a fiction, but I have proof that it is nothing more than historical fiction. The events may be fictionalized, but they are based in truth. For, my friend, I am in the possession of one of these Monoliths.
A few years ago my sons were passing a soccer between the two of them. As inevitably happens when two children with limited soccer skills pass a ball between the two of them, the ball took a wrong turn. It wound up in a wooded area behind our home. When I went to look for the ball in amongst the woods, I brushed up to this immense blackness. No light escaped it and it simply could not be ignored. With the help of my sons, we brought the item into the house (what would you do?).
I had no idea what it was. It just sat there in the family room. It’s magnetism was so undeniable that we just could not rid it of our consciousness. So there it sat, in the living room doing nothing but giving off a low level hum. Well, by chance, it just so happened that I was in need of somewhere to place some recently acquired audio equipment. I was able to attach 6 shelves to the item (I will not divulge the arduous process this entailed) and voila, I had a rack. An incredible side effect is that the item powered all my equipment without plugging anything in. (Results will vary.)
Well, as it happens in many other families, it has come time to rid our house of some older things to make way for newer. So I am offering this incredible item to whomever wishes to attain a new level of existence, or store some audio or video components. It pains me to no end to bid this item a farewell, but it is time. We are also tired of our children being granted evolutionary advances. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to get your kids to bed when all they want to do is fly around the house??
Item: Monolith a.k.a StudioTech U60
Purpose: Advance Mankind or hold up to 300lbs of equipment
Shelves: 6 adjustable
Dimensions: 200 lbs, 24”x24”x61.5”
Color: The deepest light engulfing black you could ever imagine
Price: $650 FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF HUMAN KIND!!